JOKES...(for the ladies!)
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
(Gotta love that fairy!)
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom, to understand my man;
Love, to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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The Legend of Valentine's Day
Valentine’s Legend
More than 2,000 years ago in Rome, there was a Christian doctor named Valentine. According to legend, Valentine had special abilities that allowed him to cure many diseases. However, a Roman emperor named Claudius did not like Valentine's Christian beliefs. At that time, most Romans believed in different gods and goddesses. Claudius sent Valentine to prison where he was sentenced to death for his unpopular beliefs.
While he was imprisoned, Valentine became friends with the jailer's blind daughter, and he used his special abilities to cure her blindness. Valentine was killed on February 14, but before he died, he sent a special note to the girl and signed it "From Your Valentine." This note of friendship was the world's first Valentine message.
H.N.
