Sexual Harassment at Work

Sexual Harassment at Work;
Women’s Rights? … or Wrongs?!

By Hoda Nassef


Where are our so-called Women’s Rights in Egypt?

Sexual Harassment on the Workforce is the Rule in Egypt, and other Middle-Eastern countries, and not the exception. It is one big criminal action that we ignore, or dismiss as trivial! We brag about “women’s rights”, just to imitate the western countries, pretending that we are as civilized as they are, with real punitive laws! For women’s real protection? Let’s face facts… and tell it how it is.

How many SILENT women were and will always be especially harassed or abused at the workforce? What did they do about it? Did they protest? Object? Complain? Or just give in, to get that ‘job’? Does the law actually implement protection for women against sexual harassment? If there is no REAL law, then the harassers will continue making life hell for girls and women, thinking it is their holy right to bother women, and we can just like it, or lump it.

Well, it all depends actually on the fair-sex’s personalities, their upbringing, and how desperate they really are for getting the job that they applied for, and are qualified for. Maybe they need the money more than upholding their principles and religious views. Or, let’s admit it… maybe they don’t mind being harassed. You have all types of women, after all, just as you find all types of men…and by this I mean the male employers. Also, there are women harassers as well, but my concern is mentioning only the majority of sex-harassers: men.

Most employers use their positions or their offices to induce or coerce women to accept their unwanted advances; the uglier they are, the more they act the part of Don Juan, because they actually cannot attract any female outside of the office. As for the women who already have a job with the harasser; the higher their pays are, the more they are likely to accept the bosses’ advances, in order to keep their jobs. The unwritten rule is “use it, or lose it”!

And how many times have women tried to apply for jobs, and during the interview or first meeting with their potential male managers or employers, they would be duped into thinking that, ‘oh there’s a decent guy at last…he’s not staring at my legs or other parts of my anatomy’ – only to discover later that they are ‘seasoned’ harassers, and know when to play it down or act cool at first, in order not to scare away the ‘victim’. Yes, victim. She is eventually the victim of his advances, and if she doesn’t like it, then she can quit. He makes that very clear too, eventually, especially after he realizes that he’s not getting to First Base with her, and never will. And so, she usually does quit, instead of telling him to jump in the Nile River, or quit himself!

So, back to job hunting, and new CVs. But, how many times did women have to delete all their previous ‘job experience’? Personally, when I used to job-hunt, I had no way of explaining to my interviewers that I left so many jobs, because my bosses were literally almost chasing me around the desk…his desk or mine, doesn’t matter. Who would believe me? (It would often be in subtle ways, such as ‘accidentally’ brushing against her, while passing by…or on purpose, such as saying lewd words or so-called ‘compliments’.) So, I would often delete some jobs that I quit, thus, leave big gaps in my ‘career’. The next questions, if the interviewers were observant enough, would be why I wasn’t working during so-and-so period, and what did I do between jobs.

Getting pissed off by the inquisition, I would there and then decide that I didn’t want the job anyway, so my retort would often be flippant, such as, ‘I’m filthy-rich, and don’t really need the job,’ or, ‘I’m saving up for a world cruise, and you’re my last stop…for next month,’ … or anything dumb like that, just to get back at the idiots. Once or twice, however, I would admit that I was being harassed by the previous manager(s), and had no choice but to leave. Whether they believed me or not wasn’t the issue, but I avoided lying, whenever I could.

I will give you some hints on the types of harassers, and they come in all shapes, sizes, forms, age, and background. Following is my personal portfolio of all the freaks I’ve met…and each category of Freak consists of 5 to ten of them! I lost count….

Now, meet GM Harasser Number One: He’s ugly, so has an inferiority complex, and wants to prove to himself that he isn’t ugly.

GM Harasser Number Two: He’s an opportunist, and from a low background, and wants to get into the circle of this females’ friends and acquaintances; being attractive to boot is all the better for him, so why not give it a try?

GM Harasser Number Three: He’s a natural womanizer, and conceited, thinking that because he is attracted to the interviewee (you) at first sight, you reciprocate the same attraction!

GM Harasser Number Four: He’s married, but bored with his wife, and wants to renew his libido, stamina, or whatever he thinks is lacking!

GM Harasser Number Five: He’s married, relatively satisfied with his boring wife, but he’s getting on in age – or is middle-aged – or is actually old, and wants to prove that he isn’t; so, the younger she is, the better it is for his ego…libido, whatever!

GM Harasser Number Six: He’s actually drop-dead attracted to you, but you aren’t, and he will employ you, woo you, do anything for you, just to get you in bed, then drop you! (No, I was never that dumb, nor that immoral! So, gals, hang in there, and don’t go on ego-trips yourselves! Don’t believe everything you hear from these horny bastards. These types just go raving mad if you so much as dare to reject them, let alone politely turn them down. Then they turn downright vindictive, so…beware…let them down, nicely, if you can.) For him, it’s a Package Deal on First Sight; the Job AND Him, or you go the highway… and he goes the low way! (I heard that rhyme from one big ass harasser, by the way! He’ll know whom I’m talking about, if he reads this!)

GM Harasser Number Seven: He’s not so hot physically, and deep inside knows it; the less of a man he is, the more he tries to prove that he’s Tarzan…with you as Jane. He’ll stop at nothing to get you, and beware of this type too; he’ll defame your name (behind your back) and tell all his buddies and cronies that you were a one-night stand, or some such scenario. Anything in that line, just to secretly get back at you, and your rejection.

GM Harasser Number Eight: He’s a cool customer and you actually have no clue yet that he has an eye on you. You are employed by this type, and then start working in a relatively relaxed atmosphere, not aware that he is all the time calculating and laying out his strategy to lure you into his trap. Then one day he may casually invite you for lunch or a meal outside, making you believe that the whole company or department would be there. That happened recently to me; my boss invited me for Iftar, after making it known that the company always has one such occasion for the whole staff. Being new on the force, and unaware of the manoeuvre, I innocently asked him, ‘Who’s coming from the Department?’ His answer was a nonchalant, ‘It will be very limited.’ And then he gave me the name of the restaurant to join the staff at the appropriate time. The ‘limited’ staff was himself, alone! So, I was forced on a private date…after the meal, I new it would be the beginning of the end of my short career with them!

Officially Defining Sexual Harassment:

Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates part of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Sexual harassment at work threatens your self-esteem and confidence; it stops you from working effectively, undermines your dignity, and can affect your health and happiness. Sexual harassment is unwelcome behaviour of a sexual nature, and even just one isolated act is enough to amount to it. It could take the form of sexual innuendo or lewd comments about your appearance or sex life, whether these are written or spoken. It could be a physical act, for example, deliberately brushing up against you or trying to caress you. Or, it could be more general, where, for example, the environment of the workplace creates a hostile or humiliating atmosphere for you. This could be the result of sexually explicit material displayed in the workplace, the downloading of internet porn by other employees, or other behaviour that creates an uncomfortable environment. Nobody should be subjected to it. The unfortunate reality is that it is happens all too often.

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitutes sexual harassment when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.
If you are unhappy with the way your employer has dealt with your grievance, or if your harasser is your employer, then you should take legal action. You can bring a sexual harassment claim regardless of how long you have worked for your employer, or how many hours you work. This option is available to you whether you are a man or a woman, and whatever age or sexual orientation you are. If you have previously had a relationship with the harasser then you can still bring a claim. You can bring a claim even if the harassment happened at your job interview.
The employer cannot argue that he or she did not intend to harass. If the behaviour undermined your dignity on the basis of your gender then it is discriminatory by law.

Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including but not limited to the following:

· The victim as well as the harasser may be a woman or a man. The victim does not have to be of the opposite sex.
· The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, an agent of the employer, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or a non-employee.
· The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct.
· Unlawful sexual harassment may occur without economic injury to or discharge of the victim.
· The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome.

International Laws not Adapted or Applied in Egypt:

Luckily for the American women, a variety of laws exist to protect them. When will these laws be adapted in Egypt? In the USA, for example, your employer has a duty to provide a safe system of work, safe equipment and competent employees. Consequently, he or she has a responsibility to protect you from harassment. They are also protected by the Sex Discrimination Act, which guards you against less favourable treatment because of your sex. Similar laws apply in Scotland as in England and Wales.

It is helpful for the victim to directly inform the harasser that the conduct is unwelcome and must stop. The victim should use any employer complaint mechanism or grievance system available.

When investigating allegations of sexual harassment, EEOC looks at the whole record: the circumstances, such as the nature of the sexual advances, and the context in which the alleged incidents occurred. A determination on the allegations is made from the facts on a case-by-case basis.

If you keep quiet about harassment, the employer might argue that the behaviour was not unwelcome at the time, or that you have fabricated the story after leaving the job. According to an Equal Opportunities Commission report in 2001, however, nearly half of all applicants bringing tribunal claims between 1998 and 2001 had not made formal complaints while still employed. The reasons given were fear of receiving poor references, fear of harming their careers, embarrassment and concern they would not be believed.

Prevention is the best tool to eliminate sexual harassment in the workplace. Employers are encouraged to take steps necessary to prevent sexual harassment from occurring. They should clearly communicate to employees that sexual harassment will not be tolerated. They can do so by establishing an effective complaint or grievance process and taking immediate and appropriate action when an employee complains.

Sexual harassment claims are founded on the Sex Discrimination Act, on the basis that the (female) victims were discriminated against because of their gender. Furthermore, if their employers decide not to investigate, and the harassed leave their jobs because they can no longer bear the harassment, then they could claim constructive unfair dismissal. This means the employer's action, or lack of action, caused them to hand in their notice, even though the women/girls were not directly asked to leave.

European Union agencies have recognized that reluctance to complain is a distinguishing characteristic of sexual harassment. Employment tribunals are increasingly acknowledging that workers may have good reasons for delaying their complaint, and they examine the individual circumstances of each case when making decisions.

What action should you take?

If you are experiencing sexual harassment in any or all of its forms, then there are steps you can take. First, you should make it clear that you find the behaviour inappropriate and unwelcome. When you do this, speak clearly and do not smile or apologise. If possible, confront your harasser in front of another person who you trust. You could also write to your harasser, if you find it too difficult to directly confront him or her, and you should keep a copy of the document.
If the behaviour continues, keep a diary of when and where it happened, what occurred, and who was there to witness it. Report the behaviour to your employer, who is then obliged by law to take action to investigate it and prevent it happening again. Take notes of any meetings with your employer about it. Many workplaces will have a specific procedure in place to deal with such complaints.

If other people are experiencing harassment, ask them to keep notes as well and to also make a complaint. If an employment agency organized your work placement, then tell them. If you are a member of a trade union, it is a good idea to let them know about the problems you are experiencing. If your health is suffering, then tell your doctor. In some cases the harassment may technically amount to assault or another criminal offence, in which case you should report it to the police. At a later stage, if the harassment continues, you may need to prove that you took every step to stop the behaviour.

There are many other categories of harassers, but there would be no space to name them all. If you spot one during the interview, don’t think that you can take the job and smugly assume ‘oh, I can handle him.’ Some men stop at nothing. But, I want to point out that I am always conservatively dressed during interviews, and in fact am a bit conservative by nature, so don’t get the impression at the end that perhaps I’m giving out the ‘wrong signals’… I don’t. Or rather, I didn’t.

Unfortunately, there exists no real law for defamation of name, slander, and all types of male abuse and harassment. If on the job or workforce, it’s often a matter of His word, against yours. Hardly any colleague would risk losing his or her job, to take your side! There is no protection for women, and less for relatively attractive women, nor legal punishment for the abusers and harassers.

We women live in a jungle here in Egypt …and that’s a fact. Sexual harassment at work is a subject not mentioned nor defined by any laws here. The ‘victims’ are too embarrassed to complain, and find it futile even if they do. The more attractive she is, the more she has to struggle to survive, and the more she has to prove that she’s not an object of abuse, let alone keep her name and justified honour intact. At the extreme end of sexual harassment, even raped victims prefer to remain quiet, rather than sue the harasser and keep the stigma of shame. Somehow, they are always the ones to be blamed in the end.


h.n.

Don Quixote...or, Who Shot the Donkies?!

Don Quixote – or: Who Shot the Donkeys?

By Hoda Nassef

(An Egyptian Mini-Don Quixote)


When something goes right in Egypt, I simply Love My Country and praise the Good People and Good Deeds, while smiling with contentment like a Cheshire Cat. But, when something goes wrong, I become a Part and Parcel of the disgruntled Voice for the People of Egypt, like waving an Invisible Sword of Justice – as Don Quixote – fighting by pen instead of a sword for my family’s legal rights first, and ‘my People’ second, however often it falls flat and in vain, and then waiving my rights not out of resignation, but out of sheer exhaustion, with the results more like “Who shot the donkeys of Egypt?”…and then I go on to my next Quest, or it is thrown upon me.

h.n.

Being A Mother

BEING A MOTHER

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded "just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Thursday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our 'date'."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I read the menu as her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favour," I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie time!

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again. . .. but only if you let me treat you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined," I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to go help her.

Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the restaurant Mother and I had dined at. An attached note said: "Dear son - I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I would be able to be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your lovely wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I love you" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than our family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off until 'some other time.'

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.... that somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first....that somebody doesn't have two or more children.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labour and delivery....that somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten...or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a Mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....well that somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a Mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a Mother's job is done when her last child leaves home....that somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your Mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her... that somebody isn't a Mother.

Pass this message along to all the "Mothers" in your life and to everyone who ever had a mother. This isn't just about being a Mother; it's about appreciating the people in your lives while you have them....no matter who that person is:

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle".

H.N.

Second Wives

Second Wives

By Hoda Nassef


Having a second wife here in Egypt, does not mean that the grieving widow finally remarried, nor does it mean that the divorced man chose his proper mate and had a second chance; it means that he has two wives, both alive, and sometimes actually living under the same roof!

In the ‘Islamic World’, men can have more than one wife. A foreign friend recently told me, ‘Lucky Egyptian men…they can have TWO wives!’ I answered, ‘Not all, and not really lucky, but silly, as marrying second wives in Islam should be under strict Islamic rules.’

This is a repeated and gross misinterpretation of the facts in Islamic marriages, seen through the eyes of most foreigners, and most religions as well.

Strange as it may seem, the poorer and less educated men often have a wife or two, and maybe three! They marry more than once, although they are less able to afford even the ‘first’ wife, than the ‘upper class’ men, and can barely support her, let alone support himself plus a second wife. They would rather be a ‘polygamists’ - (in the eyes of the Europeans) – than commit the BIG immortal and immoral sin and be eternally cursed to damnation for fornication outside of wedlock!

On the other hand, many ‘educated’ men prefer to have secret illicit affairs, than get caught with their pants down by their wives! Having affairs here, as elsewhere abroad, is quite common – and kept ‘under cover’. He might brag about it to his close male friends, but acts pious in public and portrays the image of The Perfect Husband and citizen.

As for the majority of the ‘Second Wives’ who know in advance that their husbands are already married, many young ladies target men who are already well off, have good careers, and are financially stable if not actually rich, rather than wait years for young suitors or boyfriends to reach that status, and find it a sort of conquest to take another (and much older) woman’s husband.

The Second Wives usually calculate that they will have to put up with the hassles of the First Wife as well as problems from children of the first marriage, along with the husband’s wrinkles and perhaps impotency, as a price to pay for the ‘easy road’ to wealth and status, knowing that they will be properly pampered by the foolish husbands for marrying someone much younger than the First Wife; cunningly knowledgeable that the husbands’ psyche or egos are easily vulnerable and inflated for having such a catch at their Twilight Age. Consequently, neither of the newlyweds have any remorse for breaking up the first marriage, if it comes to that.

Having two wives is not outlawed in Islam, as in Christianity. However, there are new-founded laws to protect the first wife’s rights – the foremost is that she must be told in advance from her spouse that he is marrying another woman. She then has the option to either stay married, or ask for a divorce.

Usually she remains married, if he does not prefer to divorce her, simply because she has no other means of livelihood. Sometimes she is even relieved, being already frigid from long years of insignificant sex or none at all. As long as he kept the money rolling in, she didn’t mind!

But, laws are meant to be broken, and not obeyed, and usually the First Wife finds out about the Second wife, only at her husband’s funeral!

Paradoxically, is statistically known that women out-number men now worldwide, by almost four times. Is that perhaps one of the reasons Allah has allowed a Moslem man to marry more than one – up to and not exceeding four. It is seen as a sort of sanctuary for Single Women, if they chose to be a ‘dorra’ (second wife) - and a Safety Zone for lusty men not to stray.

There are various other reasons why a single woman may marry a man who is already married, and vice versa. As one strange example, I know a lady who married years ago, with the full knowledge that her man was already married. She also had a couple of bad marriages in her past, and he seemed a ‘good catch’ even then, for a divorced young woman. They stayed very happily married for several years, until he passed away. She was much younger than her husband, and has many more years ahead of her, but would not want to remarry because she would lose her pension from her deceased husband.

Both wives attended the funeral, but avoided each other like the plague. Later on…much later, I asked her, ‘Why did you REALLY marry him? You had a job, a child from the first marriage, a nice flat in the suburbs, plus a beach house.’ Her surprising answer was: ‘We played Bridge or Poker almost every night and had our own poker game ongoing for years, with the same group. Poker nights, with a couple of drinks, made life worth living. His wife hates cards.’ You could have knocked me with a feather! But I put on MY poker face, nodded quickly and politely agreed, while I hurried to the door after barely saying a brief goodbye!

As another example, in the eyes of an upper-class man who married a Second Wife, while dining at the Automobile’s Club downtown, I asked the distinguished middle-aged gentleman why he re-married - (after 25 years of happy matrimony!) - since his First Wife was such a wonderful woman, pretty, liked and respected by everybody, and raised their children to be happy and successful citizens, as well. His new wife was ‘a virgin’ when they married, according to him, and obscenely much younger than both of them – almost their own children’s age.

Without blinking, he drawled out, ‘You know, the same old story: stimulus. She made me feel young again.’

To each his own! She exploited him for his status and wealth, but he also exploited her youth and beauty.

H.N.

The Story of Mother's Day

The Story of Mother's Day

By Hoda Nassef

The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter*), "Mothering Sunday" honoured the mothers of England. During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch.

As Christianity spread throughout Europe, the celebration changed to honour the "Mother Church" - the spiritual power that gave them life and protected them from harm. Over time the church festival blended with the Mothering Sunday celebration. People began honouring their mothers as well as the church.

In the United States Mother's Day suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass. ever year. Later on, a Father's Day was announced, during a separate month.

In 1907 Ana Jarvis, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia, to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, i.e. the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.

Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful as by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.

While many countries of the world celebrate their own Mother's Day at different times throughout the year, there are some countries such as Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium which also celebrate Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May.

In Egypt, the late Egyptian journalists and twin bothers Ali and Moustafa Amin, emulated Mother's Day to be celebrated on 21st of March of each year, just as they emulated and adapted the global Valentine's Day that is celebrated on the 14th of February, to make it an Egyptian 'eid el hobb' (Feast of Love) on November 4th instead. However, some sources in Egypt later preferred to call it 'Family's Day', making it more profitable commercially.

In any case, I take this opportunity to wish all beloved and noble mothers, grandmothers and aunts, a Very Happy Mother's Day!

H.N.

Law of The Seed!

Law of the Seed

Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the tree and each apple has ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds! We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more apple trees?" Nature has something to teach us here.

IT'S TELLING US:

“Not all seeds grow. In life, most seeds never grow”.

So if you really want to make something happen, you had better try more than once."

THIS MIGHT MEAN:

You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job. You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.

And you might meet a hundred acquaintances just to find one special friend.

When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get so disappointed.

We stop feeling like victims.

We learn how to deal with things that happen to us.

Laws of nature are not things to take personally.We just need to understand them - and work with them.

IN OTHER WORDS:

Successful people fail more often. But they plant more seeds.

When things are beyond your control, here's something that you must NOT DO so as to avoid misery in your life:

- You must not decide how you think the world SHOULD be.
- You must not make rules for how everyone SHOULD behave.
- Then, when the world doesn't obey your rules, you get angry!
- That's what miserable people do!

ON THE OTHER HAND, LET'S SAY YOU EXPECT THAT:

-Friends SHOULD return favours.

-People SHOULD appreciate you.
-Planes SHOULD arrive on time.

-Everyone SHOULD be honest.
-Your husband or best friend SHOULD remember your birthday.

These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won'thappen!
So you end up frustrated and disappointed.

THERE'S A BETTER STRATEGY:

Demand less, and instead, have preferences!

For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself:

"I would prefer this, but if that happens, it’s OK too!"

This is really a change in mindset. It is a shift in attitude, and it gives you more peace of mind ...

You prefer that people are polite ... but when they are rude, it doesn't ruin your day.

You prefer sunshine ... but if it rains, it is ok too!

TO BECOME HAPPIER, WE EITHER NEED TO:

a) Change the world, or

b) Change our thinking.

It is easier to change our Thinking!

IN A NUTSHELL:

It is not the problem that is the issue, but rather it is your attitude attending to the problem that is the problem.

It's not what happens to you that determines your happiness; it's how you think about what happens to you!

H.N.